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Lighting Technicians,
People of God


Hello. And welcome to a haven for the true chosen people of God, lighting technicians. If you have gone to this horribly misleading page, don't be fooled. Lighting technicians are much holier than carpenters. In fact, since Jesus quit his job as one to save the world, its been all downhill for those guys.

If it is not already apparent to you as an intelligent human being, we have several reasons why lighting technicians are better than the neanderthal-like carps. Please see below.


1)The Carps killed Jesus.

The carpenters over at our rival page claim they're all buddies with Jesus because he was a carpenter at some point in his life. Carpentry merely distracted Him from being the Messiah. And the carps are in no way friends with Jesus. How was Jesus killed? By being nailed to a cross. a wooden cross. with nails. Draw your own conclusions.

2) God thought of us first.

The Carpenters claim God created their world before ours because He created the heavens, the earth, and the abyss before He said, "Let there be light," but they have simply proven themselves wrong. He created the heavens first, which the carpenters attempt to equate with the the fly gallery. The heavens are obviously the past-life equivelant of the pro's, that area in the ceilings, where lights are hung, and old lighting instruments go to their final resting place, not the fly gallery!

3) Light is the Symbol of God and all things Holy.

Light symbolism is all over the Bible. God and his angels are beings of light, not made of crude wood. Do you remember the Star of Bethlehem? Perhaps God just opened the shudders a little on his best ellypsoidal to let those sheperds know his son was being born.